Every New Year I unite with the idealists of this world in believing that despite not having fulfilled New Year resolutions beyond the first day of January in the past; this year will be different. So, rather than resolving to do things I could do without the help of New Year festivities, this year I have decided to resolve not to resolve anything (oh what a darling cliché. I am comparable to those people who say, “if I had three wishes, I would wish for three more”. I admit it – I’m prosaic). This way, even if I fail to a) get my driver’s licence, b) get a job or c) grow up, I would for the first time, see the fruits of my New Year’s resolution (even if the fruits are putrid or still embedded in the dirt).

I would say I’m thinking outside the square but really, I’m thinking outside the right-angled triangle, for only a half-wit could think this a good idea.